"I'm not as thin as I used to be, but
I look like the woman I'm supposed to be."
I recently updated my profile picture on
Facebook, and in staring at it I realized a couple of things. Number one, I’m
definitely not the girl I used to be, ie I’ve “grown” quite a bit over the
years. And number two, I’m Ok with that.
I used to have a complex when it came to my
weight, stemming from being the skinny girl in high school everyone always
picked on. Yes, I was actually picked on for being skinny, can you imagine! In
addition to being called an Ethiopian poster child, my best friend happened to
be larger in size than me and everyone called us Pork and Beans. Around eighth
grade a nasty rumor was started that we were lesbians together, and being that
we went to a small country school where our graduating class was 54 students,
the rumor stuck for a number of years afterwards. It was the most horrible time
in my life between breaking up my friendship with my best friend since kindergarten,
screening prank phone calls at home and avoiding eye contact with anyone at
school for fear of being made fun of. In my earlier blog post about Bullying, I
mentioned kids could be cruel. For anyone who has ever been picked on you can
understand how I still bear the scars from those tender days.
The interesting thing is, when I got out of
high school and got older, I unknowingly made keeping myself thin as important
as breathing. Luckily, I always had a fast metabolism so I was always able to
eat anything I wanted and could burn the calories off later. And then I had
children.
Children have an interesting way of turning
your body (and viewpoints) completely around. My children changed me, and for
the better. I became less conscious about trying to stay thin and instead turned
my focus on being the best mom I could be.
Today I’m pleased to say I no longer worry
about my weight (other than doing occasional sit ups to keep that body fat from
becoming a muffin top) and keep my focus on the more important things in my
life; My husband and children, my writing, family and friends. It took me many
years to overcome the shadows of my past to become the person I am today, but in
the end, it was a journey well worth the effort.
Kids are very mean. I had to deal with being called a lesbian and being pranked call all the time as well. Those were not fun times!
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing EB, and I'm so sorry you had such a horrible time too. The silver lining in all of this is that I feel it has made me a stronger and better person in the long run and hope the same for you.
DeleteI had quite the opposite problem. I was teased for being overweight. It's been an issue with me for ages. One day, God made me see that He made me and no matter what, I was beautiful, and although I'm losing weight now, I'm still beautiful in God's eyes. That's what's important here. :)
ReplyDeleteBeautiful post. :)
Amen to that sista and we so would have been BFF's had we gone to school together. Love you much, girl! Xo
DeleteGreat post, Amy! I, too, know the feelings of being bullied. It hurt like hell, but also made me the stronger person I am today.
ReplyDeleteBonnie I couldn't imagine you NOT being the strong, confident person you are today, so kudos to you for overcoming the shadows of your past. Xo
DeleteA post from a dear old friend, Bonnie Harmsen-Rauk:
ReplyDeleteCongrats Amy. I hope that NONE of us are the people we were in High School. Ironically when I look back at all the photos we would write to each other : You're the best, don't ever change. HA! Let's face it, THANK GOD we all (I hope!!) changed!! Grew up, found people & experiences that helped us become the people we are today, and now love ourselves. By the way -- I had no idea life was that bad! But then again I was always amazed by you and your talent in music. OH what I would have done for your voice and ear, my dear!!
Working in several high schools today I see that most "skinny girls" are dealing with low self esteem, which as you pointed out is rather ironic since that's what everyone else in the world wants to be: skinny! I was recently in a situation where I had to re-live and reflect on a few memories from high school myself. It was VERY interesting and somewhat uncomfortable. I found myself trying prop-up, justify, and explain who I was (because now I think I'm pretty great, but back then I wasn't but somehow wanted to believe I was)... but it's impossible for me to do because who I am now is not at all who I was then -- especially soph. year -- yuck!! When this person knew me I was sooo different, and had little self esteem, but was just starting to crack out of my shell (which is probably why we got along so well!) LOL. I have moved away and hardly looked back, but every now and then life forces us to reflect, doesn't it!?? Seriously people used to prank call you!?? Wow, THEY seriously needed to get a life!! And sadly they only did it to you to help themselves feel/look "cooler", because deep inside they were all scared to death of "slipping from the ranks". What a sick, sick joke is middle school and high school!!
Take care dear, and keep changing, cuz now we're all guided by our faith, families, REAL fortitude, and we know that we can keep improving ourselves and the world around us.
You're absolutely right Bonnie, and I'm so thankful to have an better understanding and appreciation for my life the way it is today. I'm so glad to have gotten back in touch with you!! Xo
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